• Who am I?

    Who am I?

    Hi! My name is Héloïse.

    I am married and have two beautiful sons.

    Here is the story of how I became a mum.

     

    When I was 17, at the end of a church service, a guest speaker approached me looking like he had something very important to tell me. He opened his mouth and said : "You will become a mother." At the time, it seemed like a weird thing to say: although I did want to have children, I wasn't even engaged yet! I thought nothing more of it... Until, less than a week later, my doctor bluntly told me the pain I'd been having in my lower stomach was due to problems with my ovaries and that I might never be able to conceive without medical help. Suddenly, it all made sense. I quietly thanked God and declined further tests. I had a feeling things would be just fine.

     

    In July 2011, I married my best friend (cheesy, I know, but it's true). We had just moved to England and were still adjusting to the change. I was about to start a course in Primary Education and Mat was actively looking for work. We were living in a shared house, meaning we only had a small bedroom to ourselves. Things were not easy, but we were happy. Celebrating our love and thankful for the things we did have.

    Then, another Sunday, another guest speaker... This time, he pointed to my stomach and said "there is fulfilment here". Leaving little to the imagination, it was really no surprise when, later that month, I found out I was pregnant. However, given our personal circumstances, it took some time to digest the news.

    That morning when I woke up, I knew. I went and bought a pregnancy test with the same excitement one would buy a pack of cereals, then hid in the toilet. The test soon turned bright pink (meaning it was positive) and I was strangely emotionless. I didn't know whether to be overjoyed or freaked out, so I shut my feelings down. I calmly walked to Mat to tell him the news. He was happy, of course, and I think that's what kept me sane for the first few days. It took time before I allowed myself to be excited for the little life that was about to come. Things were tough. I felt judged and I was worried about how we'd cope. But I was also aware that this was a little miracle and I kept reminding myself of all the words of knoweldge I'd received.

    Indeed, a year before, we were doing an internship in the church that was now our home. During this time, I received many words of knowledge related to motherhood. It would take a long time to write them all but here is one that I particularly like. It was near the end of the internship as my head was full of wedding preparation. I was "Sunday-schooling" a group of small children, when one little girl turned to me and, very matter-of-factly, said : "you will have a baby next year."

    She was right! On August 9, 2012, our baby boy was born - how precious is the promise of God!

     

    We have since had another son, Ezra, born on December 23rd (sharing a birthday with his dad!) This time, we were actually trying for a baby! Morally, the difference between this pregnancy and the first was huge (something I'll write about someday maybe). I lived these 9 months like a dream - loved every minute of it. It was so nice to take the time to enjoy being pregnant, safe in the knowledge that I was just where I needed to be. I also swapped my uni course for a distance course (in Early Years) so I could look after the children. We have moved to a small house and, after working at Subway for two years, Mat is going back to uni.

    I have learned many things since becoming a stay-at-home mum.

    I have learned to trust myself and to trust my children. I have learned to be strong. I have learned to respect different parenting choices. I have learned that you can have principles but you can't always follow them. I have learned that it's ok to cry when it's too much. I have learned to laugh with my babies. I have learned to see the world through their eyes. I have learned to make mistakes. I have learned that I have nothing to prove to anyone, but that I can give my sons my very best. I have learned that being a mother is an immense privilege and a great responsability. I have learned that the love we share is the most important thing in this world; but that it is also important to teach my sons to be confident, compassionate, honest, and fun. Because I want to raise happy children in a godly home :)